20 Things You'd Love To Say At Work

Greetings my garrulous gremlins!

Today we are going to have a little therapy session. And what better way to achieve catharsis than by getting all the things we want to say off our chests!

1. Did you wake up on the wrong side of your period today?

2. Oh, hey the Loch Ness monster look DOES work for you

3. Your perfume smells nice, what is it called? Urine?

4. It's not right to point fingers. So I'll just say it's your fault.

5. I called in sick yesterday. Sick of you.

6. You remind me of a younger version of myself. Except that I was never a damned moron.

7. I can't hear what you're saying, come back later when I'm deaf.

8. I just got off the phone with yo mamma, she said it's time for your breastfeeding.

9. The boss wants to see you in his room. Do you need a condom while you're there?

10. You're a hero to working mums everywhere. In fact, you're like our office's version of Britney.

11. I can't understand a word of your vagina monologue.

12. I'd like to use your powerpoint presentation...to wipe my ass.

13. Hey, I hope the coffee I made isn't too sweet? I only put two teaspoons of piss in it.

14. Hey man, your car just exploded. Don't worry, before it happened I moved it to an empty space where no one could get hurt.

15. Hey boss, I saw your personal ad in the classifieds yesterday. Real classy. How much do you charge per hour again?

16. I was dumbstruck by your presentation. Who knew your species had evolved this much?

17. I signed that document you needed. Oh, I ran out of pens so I used my faeces instead. Hope you don't mind!

18. Did it hurt when you bent over backwards for the boss?

19. I'd like to help but I'm really tired from last night. Your wife was insatiable!

20. Don't worry, shit happens. And you just happen to be full of it.

Now go print these and use them whenever you can! (Or you could make some nifty t-shirts or mugs)

*This list is an original piece. Please credit the blog if you wish to reproduce it.