Gossip boy
Everyone does it once in a blue moon..some even more often I might say than its recommended dosage...but yea..everyone 'MENGULAR' or 'SNAKING' (if there ever is a term like that) or skip work or just have a small time siesta during working hours...
Question is... how some people can actually fake it sooo well that nobody notices and still think they're god damn good at their work while some are actually tagged up their arse as a LAZY USELESS piece of work?
(pix) Pak ULAH
Here's a few tip on faking it so good even the Thai ladyboys (pix below) would want to learn from you...
(pix) The Ultimate Thai Lady Boy
1) Get like minded ULARs in your team
Great minds think a like ...greater minds think how to snake together.... gossip boy says... so make sure you got your ULAR friend at the office handy at times when your ULAR session is bout to be discovered by your boss... lets face it ..."sepandai pandai ular mengular akhirnya jadi sup ular juga".. so your fellow conspirator has to be ready to pick up some slack JUST in case you ULAR session goes awry... an example of a fellow ULAR covering for another ULAR goes like this....
ULAR 1 : "Homes, cover for me. I feel like leaving office early today. Just tell boss I was in the toilet la then i chow"
ULAR 2 : "Okok... will do" (while surfing facebook)
BOSS ULAR : "Where ULAR 1 ah? Ask him to write down meeting minutes can take two weeks to type the damn thing and still got spelling mistakes. Bloody hell"
ULAR 2: " He went toilet la boss. Say got big project. Maybe won't be back to Office"
BOSS ULAR : "WTF. Ask him to see me NOW!!!"
ULAR 2 flips out H/P to call ULAR 1
ULAR 2 : "Woi...U die la tai lo...why so noisy one?? Wahhh ...so fast happy hour???""
CAUTION...as you deal with your fellow ULARs...it would only be a matter of time before they shed their skin and reveal their true colours...make sure they don't use it against you in the future...just in case!
2) Faking an MC...
(pix) You're the best if you can fake this...
If you feel like ULARing away for the entire day but you're not sick...and you discover you only got 1 day left in your annual leave...maybe you would consider FAKING an MC...
Noooo...it wouldn't be advisable to buy MCs..because 1) It involves money..current market rate RM 20...(inflation so price went up) 2) It's unethical 3) Why buy when you can use your Co. Medical Card and get free consultation and...best of all..FREE MC!!
How To...
(pix) Locum doctor like this one will do
Step 1: Find around your neighbourhood a few dodgy clinics ... those with branches and lots of locum doctors are the best...they just don't bother if they've issued 1000 mcs a day ...its all bout the mooollaaaahh... why a few?? hey...even the bosses are not stupid...if you got a regular supplier of MC..even the HR people would start doing their work and begin to notice...you stupid!!
Step 2: Wake up early in the morn...brush your teeth..(you don't want the doctor to smell your morning breath) ...don't bath...mess up your hair and while in the car to go to the clinic...blast your air cond towards your face...in particular lip area...
Step 3: At clinic...look sorrowful like a sad lost puppy to gain some sympathy votes...walk as though you are on your death sentence...talk slurry...like you took some pot...eyes downwards...display your chapped lips prominently to gain his / her attention...and among list of diseases easiest to pass through undetected and unharmed by any ass prober or worse...jabs!!...are 1) "tummy ache...been going to the toilet 24 times since last night..." 2) "migraine...i think i am too stressed out to go to work...sharp probing pain...sniff sniff.... 3) "hangover...had too much to drink when entertaining client yesterday...vomitted yesterday...and now dehydrated....
Step 4: Try not to smile too hard when asking for MC...or even better..if the doctor actually offers you MC...act hesitantly as though there's something super duper urgent at work for you to do for 4 seconds then accept...anything more than 4 seconds the doctor will smell a bullshit at work...
Step 5: Head back home joyously and go back to sleep...mission accomplished!!! yea!!!
Question is... how some people can actually fake it sooo well that nobody notices and still think they're god damn good at their work while some are actually tagged up their arse as a LAZY USELESS piece of work?
(pix) Pak ULAH
Here's a few tip on faking it so good even the Thai ladyboys (pix below) would want to learn from you...
(pix) The Ultimate Thai Lady Boy
1) Get like minded ULARs in your team
Great minds think a like ...greater minds think how to snake together.... gossip boy says... so make sure you got your ULAR friend at the office handy at times when your ULAR session is bout to be discovered by your boss... lets face it ..."sepandai pandai ular mengular akhirnya jadi sup ular juga".. so your fellow conspirator has to be ready to pick up some slack JUST in case you ULAR session goes awry... an example of a fellow ULAR covering for another ULAR goes like this....
ULAR 1 : "Homes, cover for me. I feel like leaving office early today. Just tell boss I was in the toilet la then i chow"
ULAR 2 : "Okok... will do" (while surfing facebook)
BOSS ULAR : "Where ULAR 1 ah? Ask him to write down meeting minutes can take two weeks to type the damn thing and still got spelling mistakes. Bloody hell"
ULAR 2: " He went toilet la boss. Say got big project. Maybe won't be back to Office"
BOSS ULAR : "WTF. Ask him to see me NOW!!!"
ULAR 2 flips out H/P to call ULAR 1
ULAR 2 : "Woi...U die la tai lo...why so noisy one?? Wahhh ...so fast happy hour???""
CAUTION...as you deal with your fellow ULARs...it would only be a matter of time before they shed their skin and reveal their true colours...make sure they don't use it against you in the future...just in case!
2) Faking an MC...
(pix) You're the best if you can fake this...
If you feel like ULARing away for the entire day but you're not sick...and you discover you only got 1 day left in your annual leave...maybe you would consider FAKING an MC...
Noooo...it wouldn't be advisable to buy MCs..because 1) It involves money..current market rate RM 20...(inflation so price went up) 2) It's unethical 3) Why buy when you can use your Co. Medical Card and get free consultation and...best of all..FREE MC!!
How To...
(pix) Locum doctor like this one will doStep 1: Find around your neighbourhood a few dodgy clinics ... those with branches and lots of locum doctors are the best...they just don't bother if they've issued 1000 mcs a day ...its all bout the mooollaaaahh... why a few?? hey...even the bosses are not stupid...if you got a regular supplier of MC..even the HR people would start doing their work and begin to notice...you stupid!!
Step 2: Wake up early in the morn...brush your teeth..(you don't want the doctor to smell your morning breath) ...don't bath...mess up your hair and while in the car to go to the clinic...blast your air cond towards your face...in particular lip area...
Step 3: At clinic...look sorrowful like a sad lost puppy to gain some sympathy votes...walk as though you are on your death sentence...talk slurry...like you took some pot...eyes downwards...display your chapped lips prominently to gain his / her attention...and among list of diseases easiest to pass through undetected and unharmed by any ass prober or worse...jabs!!...are 1) "tummy ache...been going to the toilet 24 times since last night..." 2) "migraine...i think i am too stressed out to go to work...sharp probing pain...sniff sniff.... 3) "hangover...had too much to drink when entertaining client yesterday...vomitted yesterday...and now dehydrated....
Step 4: Try not to smile too hard when asking for MC...or even better..if the doctor actually offers you MC...act hesitantly as though there's something super duper urgent at work for you to do for 4 seconds then accept...anything more than 4 seconds the doctor will smell a bullshit at work...
Step 5: Head back home joyously and go back to sleep...mission accomplished!!! yea!!!
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